|Weapons||Mere Club, Taiaha, Stingray Spear, Shark Tooth Club|
|Battle Status||Lost vs. the Shaolin Monk|
|Experts||Seamus Fitzgerald (Maori Weapons Historian)|
Jared Wihongi (Special Forces Instructor)
Sala Baker (Maori Weapons Specialist)
The Māori people ate, slept, and drank killing and fighting." -Seamus Fitzgerald, Māori weapons historian.
A Māori Warrior, fierce, unforgiving slayer of the South Seas;
vs. a Shaolin Monk, the ultimate kung-fu killing machine from China.
- Height: 5'9"
- Weight: 180 lbs
- Armor: None
- Gear: 8 lbs
- Symbol: A fishhook (The Maori were known to make decorative fishhooks out of the bones of their enemies, some resembling their religious symbols)
The Māori are the indigenous people of New Zealand. They are a subgroup of Polynesians, who were the decedents of Austronesians (the majority of whom are Indonesians).
They were believed to have settled into in New Zealand circa 1280 AD during the rise of the Polynesian empire the Tu'i Tonga. Before this time, there is no archaeological evidence to suggest that New Zealand had a human population; implying that New Zealand was one of the last major landmasses on Earth to do so. In the course of a few centuries, a growing population led to competition over resources and an increase in warfare. War was common between tribes, generally over land conflicts or to gain or restore mana (spiritual power and prestige). The Māori believed that mana could only be gained from ancestors or through combat.
Fighting was generally carried out by units called hapu. The Māori also developed fortified villages known as pā. The Maori people believed that combat was sacred to their ancestors and they fought to acquire mana spiritual power and prestige. Cannibalism was fueled by the desire to gain the mana of a foe defeated in battle. Unlike most native cultures, the Maori culture is still relatively intact today.
Early European Contact
Dutch explorer Abel Tasman was the first European to discover New Zealand in 13 December 1642. On circa December 18th; Abel landed in Golden Bay to resupply, only to be ambushed by Maori that killed 4 of his sailors. This was the first European-Maori contact and battle in history.
James Cook launched his first international voyage with his departure from Plymouth England on 26 August 1768. He rediscovered New Zealand in 6 October 1769; using Abel Tasman's records combined with navigational assistance from the Tahitian Tupai to locate the island. A Maori canoe approached Cook's ship and the two groups attempted to communicate; but the Maori acted aggressively and Cook's men shot the Maori in self defense. Cook however wanted to reattempt his diplomacy with the Maori; Cook did this by kidnapping Maori warriors and then releasing them peacefully to confirm his pacifism. The Maori recognized the generosity and decided to make peace with Cook.
European whalers in the early 19th century created the first permanent European settlement in New Zealand in Kororareka (Russell). The Maori interacting with this port town were introduced to European technology, including muskets and staple crops like potatoes. The widespread use of potatoes created overpopulation in New Zealand, heightening tensions between tribes. In 1807-1837 (or 1842), the Maori tribes began The Musket Wars, where Maori bought muskets from foreigners to use against enemy Maori tribes. Hongi Hika was one of the most noticeable leaders of the Maori during this period due to knowing the advantages of the muskets and increasing ties with Europeans to acquire the guns. Hongi Hika would be so close with Europeans that he would convert to Christianity and establish the first Christian mission in New Zealand: although this was most likely in order to maintain the gun trade by presenting his tribe as crusaders crushing pagan tribes. Hongi Hika would acquire 3,000 muskets during his reign. The Pa forts used since ancient times were modified to better endure blackpowder weapons; this defensive strategy made the conquest of enemy tribes too difficult, leading to a gradual end to the Musket Wars.
Colony of New Zealand
The British Empire forced many Maori tribes to sign unequal treaties that included the Maori unintentionally giving away land to the British--- leading to war. The UK invaded New Zealand in the New Zealand Wars (1845-1872) and, although the Maori had some noticeable successes and their entrenched Pa could resist even British artillery fire, Maori did have to surrender New Zealand into a colony. The British victory could be attributed to British raiding farmland and villages to gradually weaken the Maori through attrition, and using reinforcements from across their Empire to maintain a constant numerical advantage. The Maori still exist today, but their tribes are losing their native culture from modernization and over 150 years of British influence.
Independent New Zealand
Maori still continue to have a warrior culture; participating in the New Zealand military and being leading athletes of New Zealand sports (rugby especially). The Maori Battalion was formed to fight in WWII. Archeologists have collaborated with surviving Maori tribes and decedents of the Maori to research and preserve their culture and history; the 1970s was viewed as a turning point in the revival of Maori culture as indigenous peoples movements erupted around the world. The language of Te Reo has 50,000 speakers as of 2019.
- Close Range: Mere Club - 78
- Mid Range:
- Special Weapons: Shark Tooth Club - 73
- Total Score: 308
The battle begins with the Shaolin Monk training in a field when he hears someone making loud noises. He investigates and finds the Māori Warrior performing his "Ka Mate" haka. The Shaolin Monk watches as the Māori Warrior dances in front of him. The Māori Warrior then sticks his tongue out at him, which means that he is going to eat him. The Shaolin Monk slowly walks up to the Māori, which prompts him to raise his Stingray Spear in defense. The Monk calmly bows to him, but the Māori only responds by charging at him and wildly swinging his spear.
The monk swiftly moves and does back-flips to dodge the Māori's thrusts. The Māori Warrior sticks his tongue out at the Shaolin Monk again, but the Monk remains calm as he pulls out a meteor hammer and begins to swing it around. He tries to bend it around his leg and strike the Māori, but the Stingray Spear intercepts the blow. The Māori Warrior prepares to swing the Stingray Spear again, but the Shaolin Monk swings the meteor hammer and wraps it around the spear. The two pull on the rope to gain control of the Stingray Spear. The Māori then angrily throws the Spear, causing the Monk to fall back. The Monk quickly back-flips to keep his balance and remain standing. He makes a run for the trees, forcing the Māori to give chase.
The Shaolin Monk finds his Twin Hooks and Staff behind a tree and picks them up before resuming his escape. He eventually stops and turns to fight the Māori Warrior, who is now armed with his Taiaha. He quickly pulls out his Whip Chain and begins to swing it at the Māori Warrior. The Māori blocks the blows before the Shaolin Monk charges at him and swings fiercely. The Māori Warrior jumps out of the way and watches the Monk drop to the floor. He tries to close in with his Taiaha, but the Monk swings the Whip Chain above him and keeps the Māori at bay. Eventually, he bounces his body into the air briefly and swings the chain under him. He wraps it around the Māori Warrior's Taiaha and pulls at it. The Māori manages to hold on to his weapon, but the distraction allows the Monk to get back up. The Māori thrusts his Taiaha, but the Monk easily slides under it and runs to his Staff and Twin Hooks. The Māori Warrior runs after the Monk, chasing him to a more open field. Eventually, the Shaolin Monk throws his Twin Hooks to the ground and springs into a fighting stance with his Staff. The Māori watches as the Shaolin Monk begins to twirl his Staff around. The two begin to swing their weapon at the other, continuously blocking each other's blows.
Eventually, the Taiaha breaks the Shaolin Monk's Staff, leaving the Monk without a weapon. The Monk slowly backs up, and the Māori begins to fiercely attack him. The Monk tries to dodge the Taiaha, but eventually gets hit. The Māori Warrior tries to sweep the Shaolin Monk off his feet, but the Monk flips into the air and avoids the blow. The Monk picks up his Twin Hooks, and readies himself as the Māori tries to attack again. He effortlessly blocks the Taiaha before hooking it and pulling it from the Māori Warrior's hands. The Māori tries to come at him, but the Monk links the Twin Hooks together and swings it, cutting into the Māori's stomach. The Māori becomes infuriated and charges at the Shaolin Monk, sending him to the floor. The Shaolin Monk kicks him away and quickly jumps back up.
The Monk pulls out his Emei Piercers, and the Māori grabs his Shark Tooth and Mere Clubs. The Māori tries to frantically swings at the Monk, who grabs his arm and pulls the Mere Club from his hand. The Māori Warrior swings his Shark Tooth Club and hits the Monk. The Monk quickly spins one of his Emei Piercers, distracting the Māori for a second and allowing the Monk to punch him in the gut. The Monk tries to stab the Māori, but is blocked by the Shark Tooth Club. He spins around and elbows the Māori, causing him to flinch. The Monk then grabs both of his Emei Piercers and stabs him in both the neck and temple. He pulls out his Piercers and watches the Māori fall to the floor. The raises his hand in the peace sign, then the Monk proceeds to bow his head at the deceased Māori Warrior.
According to experts, even though most of the Māori's weapons were better designed to kill, the Shaolin Monk's victory was due to his steel weapons (namely his twin hook swords which scored the most kills in the simulation) were incredibly effective against the unarmored Māori. Aside from that, the Shaolin Monk's combat techniques are more superior than that of the Maori's even though the latter is stronger.
- One common Māori tactic against an invading army was to create a fort (called a Pā), survive the siege, abandon the fort to flee, and build a new fort. This was because Māori knew that fortifications gave a defending army an advantage; and so if the enemy had series of Pyrrhic Victories, the Māori would win the war of attrition.
- The Moko are the facial tatoos on Māori's faces. Moko (as well as body and limb tatoos) were similar to military medals; a reward given to successful warriors. A deceased Māori with a noticeable Moko would be decapitated and their head mummified: known as a Mokomokai.
- The Haka is not only a war dance; it can also be used for rituals and greetings.
- It was the norm for Māori to bury their dead twice. The first burial was simply to allow the body to decompose for a year; then the decayed flesh would be removed and the bones painted with red ochre. Maori mythology stated that doing this ritual was necessary in order to send the soul of the deceased into the afterlife.
- Many Māori tribes practiced Mokomokai: preserving the decapitated head of a high ranking enemy as a luxurious souvenir. This allowed Māori chieftains to openly mock their fallen enemies in order to show how threatening he is as a general of war. Māori even performed games with these heads; including one game where the Māori tried to knock the head off a tall place by throwing stones or other heads at it. The Europeans were fascinated by these heads and would sell muskets to the Māori in exchange.
- In a manner similar to the Spartans; the Māori would execute unhealthy infants in order to maintain healthy warriors.
- The giant 12ft tall Moa bird was driven to extinction between 1300-1440 AD; most likely due to Māori hunters.
- On 19 September 1893; New Zealand became the first modern nation to grant all of its women citizens the right to vote.
- Hōne Wiremu Heke Pōkai, more notably known as Hōne Heke is usually considered the most notable Māori Chief of all time. Highly influenced by stories of the United States fighting for their freedom during Revolutionary War, he would instigate the Flagstaff War that lasted from 1845 to 1846 when he challenged British authority. The war ended in a stalemate.
- New Zealand's large size compared to other Polynesian islands allowed the Maori to discard oceanic travel, something that rarely occurred with other Polynesian people.
- The Ngāti Kurī tribe famously created a 'Trojan Whale': they built a fake whale made of dogskin to ambush another tribe they were besieging, knowing that their enemies would approach the whale in order to harvest its meat.
- Taboo originates from the Tapu, a policy that Maori elders would enforce on their tribe; when a resource was scarce it would be protected by the Tapu, banning the collection of the resource until it was replenished (effectively making the harvest taboo).
- Maori tatoos are unique for every individual. The detail and design of tatoos were based on personality traits, social roles, and ancestry.
- Maori initially referred to the British as 'Pakeha'.